Paddie and the PMSer
by Green Day's British Babe
Summary: It's interactual and FUNNY!


Paddie and the PMSer

By Lily and Cassanova

Disclaimer: We do not own anything except our cheap jokes. Unfortunately, because this fic is entirely composed of our conversations in a chat room, there will be only a Lily, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, or Slytherin when someone interferes in our chat. For more information, see the bottom author's note. :)

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"SIRUS!" James bellowed at his friend outside the portrait.

"Yes Jamesy?" Sirius said innocently while sauntering through the now open portrait door.

"Don't you 'Jamesy' me!" James stated wobbling his finger at Sirius.

"But I did just 'Jamsey' you!" Sirius said while watching James' finger intently.

"Sirius, how could you?"

""How could I' what Prongsies!"

"You walked in on my conversation with Lily as Snuffles and you peed on her!" James whined, "She's going to hate me!"

"James," Sirius said lightly, "She already does hate you! Besides, why don't you just forget about her?"

"I can't Sirius!"

"Why not?"

"I just can't, okay? I think I may be falling in l-love with her."

Sirius looked James straight in the eye.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Sirius shut up you dolt!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Sirius!" James whined.

"Oh Lily-kinns! Jamesy wants to talk to you!" Sirius called up the stairs.

"Sirius, shut up you dolt! The only reason you peed on her was because you're still upset that Dorcas dumped you!"

"Am not! I'm glad she broke up with me; she was too clingy!" Sirius stated indignantly.

"Well, at least I don't eat Dorcas' cat's cat poop!"

"Ugh, that's just gross!"

"Then why did I catch you inside the litter box as Snuffles?"

"Because… well… at least I'm not a stupid horse!"

"I'm not a horse I'm a stag!"

"Yea, yea, same thing…"

"No it is not!"

"Just because you have horns and…"

"THEY are not HORNS! THEY are ANTLERS!"

"Same difference…"

"Where's Moony when you need him?"

"Uh, Prongs, it's a Full Moon…"

"Oh, right well..."

James looked around and shrugged to himself before his eyes landed on the Girls staircase. He sighed and took a glance back at Sirius who was pretending to have someone in front of him and was "snogging" the "person."

"Paddie, you're not helping!" James said, reaching to grab his last Chocolate Frog sitting on the desk.

"Well, maybe you should just give her up; I mean the girl hates your guts."

"Oy! Sirius that was my last Chocolate Frog!" James whined.

Sirius just grinned and slurped the dangling leg up.

"Well, I'm off to the kitchens to get some ice cream; Sirius, can you get my sweat pants out?"

_--James ran off the kitchens and appeared half an hour later with eight tubs of Cookie Dough ice cream._--

"Oy Padfoot, I'm back!" James said, a bit out of breath.

Sirius leaped out from a dark corner of the room and scared James half to death. Sirius, after jumping out, tripped and landed right on top ofJames after tripping over a chair.

"SIRIUS! Don't ever touch me there, AGAIN!"

Sirius shrugged and smiled sheepishly before grabbing a tub of ice cream for himself.

"Hey, that's mine!"

Sirius just took a big bite and smiled before shooting off like a bullet towards the boys dorms.

"I NEED THAT SIRIUS! I AM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK!"

Sirius stopped and waltzed gracefully toward a couch.

"Are you sure you're even a guy, I mean, you were PMSing earlier."

"I am too! I'd show you the family jewels but, I don't swing that way, mate."

"Well, I could always just get ol' Lily-kinns to check for me…"

"SIRIUS!"

"Alright…"

"And I was not PMSing earlier. I am a 15 year-old emotional wreck!"

Sirius gave him a pointed look and tapped a lazy tune on the couch's arm rest.

"Hey Sirius, if it's a Full Moon, shouldn't we be outside with Moony in the… oh crud, there are people here!"

"Nice going you dolt, one of them could have been a Slytherin!"

Head Sorceress of Slytherin House, Bellatrix Black, appeared in a puff of smoke and watched the scene intently; Sirius and James didn't even notice her appearance.

"Speaking of Slytherin goons, shouldn't we be off pranking them by now?"

Sirius and James shared a knowing look and pulled out their wands.

"Lucy needs some re-decorating!" James cried happily while latching arms with Sirius.

"And Snivellus could use a bath!" Sirius chimed in.

_--James and Sirius skipped down the corridors and pranked the poor (not) greasy slime-ball Slytherin's, and spent nearly two and a half hours doing it. –_

"Oy, Paddie," James sighed, clutching his ribs in mirth, "I can't believe Snivellus owns shampoo!"

"I know," Sirius laughed out, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Dear cousin, Snape doesn't own shampoo," Bellatrix said in her sultry, husky voice, "T'was just the boggart that lives in the boys bathroom."

"I'm not so sure it was," Sirius stated, "The bottle had words…"

"…" James and Bellatrix remained silent.

"I can't remember."

James and Bellatrix nearly fell over from Sirius's stupidity.

"James, Sirius, I always knew both of you were two halves of a whole idiot," Bellatrix paused, "But I'm beginning to think that Sirius isn't receiving enough brains from the one brain cell you both share."

James was the first to realize they were talking to Bellatrix.

"Hey look! It's the Head Sorceress of Slytherin House, Bellatrix Black; Sirius's demented cousin."

Both he and Sirius paused for a moment.

"RUN AWAY!" James cried and ran circles around the common room screaming.

"This conversation..."

"AHHHH!"

"Will continue tomorrow…"

"AHHHH!"

"Night a 7:56 EST."

Sirius paused and looked at his cousin, and then James.

"You," he pointed at James who immediately stopped running and screaming, "SHUT IT YOU DOLT!"

He then glanced at his evil cousin, "This conversation never happened."

Sirius ran up the staircase and into the dorm before anyone could say anything. James stopped running and he and Bellatrix stared at each other.

"I must depart evil villain! Fear not, for I am James Harold Potter the Chivalrous." He grabbed a rope holding up a very heavy candelabrum.

"Away doth go!" James stared at the rope. "Climbing down would not be the right way for my character… I must leave more…"

"Dramatically?" Bellatrix added with malice.

"Yes, yes! Dramatically!"

James grabbed the rope and swung off across the common room, just missing the railing. "Can someone give me a push?"

_

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I know this is stupid, but eh, it was fun. If you want to participate, go to Veritaserum . com (don't add the spaces) and go to the chat. We have a Sirius jr. we did not mention (for my memory is not good) but we require a Remus, Lily, Peter, Dorcas, Snivellus(Snape) and Lucy (Lucious). I am James and my friend Cass is Sirius. If you want to participate, leave your e-mail address in a review box or come on to their chat room about 7:30 EST. or 4:30 PACIFIC. –K_


End file.
